It can be a touchy subject while planning a wedding. As the mother of the bride or groom you feel that you want to help and give some input, but when is too much input, too much? You don’t want to cause tension between yourself and your newlyweds, so here are some ways that you can be helpful without being overbearing.
1. Remember this isn’t your wedding. It’s the bride and grooms day so they are calling the shots on what to do, or not do, on their big day. Too much input from you can cause them a lot of stress when you should be trying to be their support system.
2. Start off on the right foot. Offer to help with certain thing but leave it open ended by saying “let me know what you need help with”. Usually that will get you involved in more decision making than being pushy, which usually has the opposite effect.
3. Pick your battles. If there are elements you’d love the wedding to have―a certain ethnic tradition, a mother-son dance―choose the most important one (or few) and present it as a request.
4. Get to know the in laws. Usually once the engagement is announced the grooms parents arrange a get together to discuss wedding plans and get to know one another. While helping with wedding plans, get to know your in laws. When the two families get along it makes everything go a lot smoother.
5. Don’t out do the other mother. Tradition says that the bride’s mother should pick out her dress first. She then lets the mother of the groom know the color and length of her dress so the grooms mother can find a dress that compliments — be mindful of the wedding photos and how your dress will look with the wedding party. Both moms should not wear white or a color that is similar to the bridesmaids and wedding party.
6. Be Sentimental. If you paid for a portion of the wedding, honeymoon or new house — give the newlyweds a gift that has sentimental value such as a family heirloom or something new that will have sentimental meaning for the couple. You can also give something off the registry that will be used during holidays and/or family celebrations, this way you will always be remembered when they use that item.